Dr Laurie Santos talks about Wanting VS Liking in regards to food that we want to eat compared to how we feel when we actually eat it. What she means is that we feel a desire for highly palatable foods like breads and sweets, but when we actually eat them mindfully, we don’t actually like it - maybe it’s overwhelmingly sweet or the texture just isn’t our thing.
Laurie also mentions that it can also work in reverse – we like things we don’t want, just as we want things we may not like. As in, we may like certain forms of exercise when we get into it, even if we don’t want to do it at the start.
Examples
On the podcast, The Happiness Lap Season 7 Episode 12 or Food, We Need to Talk episode June 12, 2023, they discuss that unhealthy food also come with marketing, but vegetables don’t. But they also mentioned that it can apply to exercise as I mentioned earlier, and I wanted to think of other situations where you may want something, but then not really like it when you actually have. Of course, if you do like it, good on you! Keep at it. But if you think you might not like it or it’s something you want to cut back on anyway, this is a good idea.
Food
In my case there have been a lot of times when I’ve wanted some particular food, but when I ate it, I realised that I didn’t actually like it. Some examples:
- KFC and other fast foods – it smells nice so I want it, but actually the chips are often soggy, and I know they are unhealthy. Once I realised that I could have spent not too much more money and actually got a proper meal with rice, vegetables, and meat.
- Ice creams and similar desserts – this is obvious, it tastes nice and so we want it. But what I find is that after a few bites it just tastes the same. So, knowing it’s unhealthy, I end up not actually liking it. Unless I count it as a special occasion or treat, for example when watching a special movie at the cinema or getting a special dessert with good friends. Or as a reward for an achievement.
Entertainment
In my personal life, I’ve gone to see some movies and shows, but found that when I get there, I can’t relax to enjoy it or it’s just not any good so it feels like a waste of time. Recently, many movies out these days just aren’t very good – Barbie was the only good movie I saw in 2023, everything else feels like a waste of time.
Theme parks or arcade rooms could be similar – you might want to go (partly because of the advertising), but then when you get there, it’s all crowds and expensive. Of course, if you enjoy it despite the crowds, or it’s not expensive, then more power to you - have at it.
Relationships
Most people have probably experienced in your adult life, there are people who you want to like and wish you could be in a relationship with, but when you date them, you discover that you aren’t really compatible.
While this is saddening, and I’ve felt it too, it’s important to remember that you’d be better off alone (until you meet someone better) or with someone else than with someone who’s not good for you. Maybe you can still be friends anyway.
Think about your Wants and Likes
In this blog post, I hope to get you, dear reader, thinking about what you like about what you want. Or if you even do like what you want. Or possibly better yet is to want what you like instead. This way you can slowly start to adjust your preferences to directly match what want to change. For example, though I might want a donut, I often find it too sweet, so over time, I’ve started to just not even want it at all. (Besides, it’s $3 to $5 for only a minute worth of pleasure.)
I don’t mean to cause you to second guess your positive decisions or regret decisions that you tried with no knowledge of it anyway - its’s good to try new things. Rather, it’s good to be mindful of what you do and do not like so that you can use this knowledge to enact positive change in yourself, or not spend more time on activities that didn’t work out for you. (Not as an excuse to do unhealthy things, though it’s your perogative and your life if you want…)
I also think it’s important to not force one’s self to do something we don’t like, just because we wish we did like it.